Today is a new day, but what do you do when those old sad feelings are still hanging on? The ones I am talking about is my dear old friend Katie, our Boxer that we just lost. Everyone keeps telling me that the good memories will take over and the sadness will ease up. You did a good thing for her, for the right reasons, etc. I know all this. I DO have wonderful memories of Katie - - tons of them, almost 10 years of them, because she was an amazing dog and best friend. But the fact is, I still miss her, and it still hurts like crazy.
I was reading online about grieving for your pets, and I did get some comfort in the fact that homeowners that were home alone w/ their pets were more likely to have longer periods of grieving than others. Guessing that we are NOW alone all day, which is what I feel I am going through. Not only do I miss Katie, for being her, but I miss our routines together, our talks, playtime,... our everything. My life during the day was centered around her. The article also said it wasn't uncommon to "hear" the animal at specific times of the day, which makes it harder to get over...but could at a later date give some comfort. I am counting those days!! Well, so far, I fit into all those. I still hear Katies dog tags, I hear that heavy sigh at night, I hear the back door moving when she would go outside on her many trips to potty...and at times, I seem to see a flash of white out of the corner of my eye, and I almost trip moving so I don't step on her.
I am really glad that I read that article, because I was really think I was starting to go crazy!! Some people reading this would smile, nod their heads, and just agree.
The other part of the article was, when do you get another dog? Well, if you have been around me these last few weeks, you know my immedicate answer has been, "never again". My rational has been that I cannot go through this pain again. I have fears that I would hold back from loving another dog, and it wouldn't be fair, to either of us. My dilemma is, Charles wants a German Shepherd! He has wanted one since before Katie, during Katie, and even more so now. This is very hard!
My "never" has been weakening knowing that it is not fair to him either, knowing how much he has wanted one, and has been waiting for so long to have one.
So, we started "looking" for a white german shepherd puppy. Figuring that it was going to take some time to find the right one, get the money for one, etc.
I was looking on the internet and to be honest, there really aren't many around this area. I didn't want to tell anyone, for the main reason, that there might be one available right now, and I wasn't ready to get one. But, we finally did tell a couple people, and they didn't know of any either. (Ahhh, see, we aren't meant to have one right now!!) I kept looking at this as signs that my grief and depression weren't over, and we needed more time - - even though I was willing to look and accept one, when ready. Make sense?
A few days ago, Charles and I were out for a ride, and come back from Bloomington through the country, for no reason other than just getting some sun and stress relief. About half way home, we pass a Vet Practice, and I spotted a huge German Shepherd, but not white. Charles yells back to me.."Did you see that sign?"..as I yell up to him..."Did you see that Shepherd?"..we turn around. As we are turning around we exchange what we had seen. He has seen a sign that advertised puppies and kittens. I am not sure if I was scared, or excited...but off we went!
We pulled into the drive, and not only was it a Vet's Office, but it was also a No-Kill Shelter with about 100 dogs. Right off the bat, I spot the large German Shepherd pacing and pacing the kennel. We went in to talk to the keeper.
He informs us about the shepherd, which is young, but no people skills at all. They had a few mixed shepherds, but they were all around 5-8 yrs old. No puppies, but...and here comes the but...these are his words..."I do have this one young german shepherd, but he is white". The look on Charles face said it all!! Off we went!
At the back of the kennel was this young, 1 yr old white german shepherd, male, very scared pup. Yellow/brown eyes that wouldn't look at you, pacing back and forth just the end piece of the cage. 2 other huge dogs were fighting to get our attention. The kennel person asked if we wanted to see him. "yes". He basically had to drag him out, but once away from the other dogs, he started to perk up. Leash trained, he is not! But, he does know how to sit, stay, shake and lay down. His name is Casper, and he is very thin. The previous owner had a large uncut male who didn't like him, and they fought, which I believe took all the food, and a couple pieces of his ear as well. We put him back and went to talk about adoption.
After discussing adoption, we walked back and Casper was excited to see us. I sat down on the ground, he sat down against the cage and pushed against me, wagging his tail. Charles informed me that if we agreed to take him, they could have him ready the very next day. I don't know what happened to the "never no dogs" in me, but feeling Casper against me, and seeing him staring into my eyes..I said tell me we will be here tomorrow for him! It was like Casper knew what was happening. He got all excited, even with the other dogs pushing on him, he got up, wagging his tail, kissing through the kennel, and pushing back against me.
When we walked off, Casper stood up on his back legs, watching us, and started to whine. Not sure if that is a good sign, but it sure makes you feel good, doesn't it? ha ha.
We found out that we can't take him home until today, 9/9/10. We also found out that his birthday is July 4, 2009. A fourth of July puppy!! If he only knew what a political family he was coming to!! ha ha
So, in a few hours, a new chapter will begin, with our new dog Casper!
I have some fears, and I am excited.
We keep saying that finding that kennel, out in the middle of nowhere, with a white german shepherd that no one else seemed to have...was just meant to be.
I got the name of the previous owner and have a wonderful talk with her about Casper, what his likes, dislikes, good habits and bad habits are. She told me we could call anytime we wanted. She lives close and has 2 teenagers who cried for days after having to give him up...I understood. I told her I would send pictures of him growing up, if she wanted. I feel like we have make a great start for him.
Stay tuned, more will be revealed!!
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