Today is a new day, but what do you do when those old sad feelings are still hanging on? The ones I am talking about is my dear old friend Katie, our Boxer that we just lost. Everyone keeps telling me that the good memories will take over and the sadness will ease up. You did a good thing for her, for the right reasons, etc. I know all this. I DO have wonderful memories of Katie - - tons of them, almost 10 years of them, because she was an amazing dog and best friend. But the fact is, I still miss her, and it still hurts like crazy.
I was reading online about grieving for your pets, and I did get some comfort in the fact that homeowners that were home alone w/ their pets were more likely to have longer periods of grieving than others. Guessing that we are NOW alone all day, which is what I feel I am going through. Not only do I miss Katie, for being her, but I miss our routines together, our talks, playtime,... our everything. My life during the day was centered around her. The article also said it wasn't uncommon to "hear" the animal at specific times of the day, which makes it harder to get over...but could at a later date give some comfort. I am counting those days!! Well, so far, I fit into all those. I still hear Katies dog tags, I hear that heavy sigh at night, I hear the back door moving when she would go outside on her many trips to potty...and at times, I seem to see a flash of white out of the corner of my eye, and I almost trip moving so I don't step on her.
I am really glad that I read that article, because I was really think I was starting to go crazy!! Some people reading this would smile, nod their heads, and just agree.
The other part of the article was, when do you get another dog? Well, if you have been around me these last few weeks, you know my immedicate answer has been, "never again". My rational has been that I cannot go through this pain again. I have fears that I would hold back from loving another dog, and it wouldn't be fair, to either of us. My dilemma is, Charles wants a German Shepherd! He has wanted one since before Katie, during Katie, and even more so now. This is very hard!
My "never" has been weakening knowing that it is not fair to him either, knowing how much he has wanted one, and has been waiting for so long to have one.
So, we started "looking" for a white german shepherd puppy. Figuring that it was going to take some time to find the right one, get the money for one, etc.
I was looking on the internet and to be honest, there really aren't many around this area. I didn't want to tell anyone, for the main reason, that there might be one available right now, and I wasn't ready to get one. But, we finally did tell a couple people, and they didn't know of any either. (Ahhh, see, we aren't meant to have one right now!!) I kept looking at this as signs that my grief and depression weren't over, and we needed more time - - even though I was willing to look and accept one, when ready. Make sense?
A few days ago, Charles and I were out for a ride, and come back from Bloomington through the country, for no reason other than just getting some sun and stress relief. About half way home, we pass a Vet Practice, and I spotted a huge German Shepherd, but not white. Charles yells back to me.."Did you see that sign?"..as I yell up to him..."Did you see that Shepherd?"..we turn around. As we are turning around we exchange what we had seen. He has seen a sign that advertised puppies and kittens. I am not sure if I was scared, or excited...but off we went!
We pulled into the drive, and not only was it a Vet's Office, but it was also a No-Kill Shelter with about 100 dogs. Right off the bat, I spot the large German Shepherd pacing and pacing the kennel. We went in to talk to the keeper.
He informs us about the shepherd, which is young, but no people skills at all. They had a few mixed shepherds, but they were all around 5-8 yrs old. No puppies, but...and here comes the but...these are his words..."I do have this one young german shepherd, but he is white". The look on Charles face said it all!! Off we went!
At the back of the kennel was this young, 1 yr old white german shepherd, male, very scared pup. Yellow/brown eyes that wouldn't look at you, pacing back and forth just the end piece of the cage. 2 other huge dogs were fighting to get our attention. The kennel person asked if we wanted to see him. "yes". He basically had to drag him out, but once away from the other dogs, he started to perk up. Leash trained, he is not! But, he does know how to sit, stay, shake and lay down. His name is Casper, and he is very thin. The previous owner had a large uncut male who didn't like him, and they fought, which I believe took all the food, and a couple pieces of his ear as well. We put him back and went to talk about adoption.
After discussing adoption, we walked back and Casper was excited to see us. I sat down on the ground, he sat down against the cage and pushed against me, wagging his tail. Charles informed me that if we agreed to take him, they could have him ready the very next day. I don't know what happened to the "never no dogs" in me, but feeling Casper against me, and seeing him staring into my eyes..I said tell me we will be here tomorrow for him! It was like Casper knew what was happening. He got all excited, even with the other dogs pushing on him, he got up, wagging his tail, kissing through the kennel, and pushing back against me.
When we walked off, Casper stood up on his back legs, watching us, and started to whine. Not sure if that is a good sign, but it sure makes you feel good, doesn't it? ha ha.
We found out that we can't take him home until today, 9/9/10. We also found out that his birthday is July 4, 2009. A fourth of July puppy!! If he only knew what a political family he was coming to!! ha ha
So, in a few hours, a new chapter will begin, with our new dog Casper!
I have some fears, and I am excited.
We keep saying that finding that kennel, out in the middle of nowhere, with a white german shepherd that no one else seemed to have...was just meant to be.
I got the name of the previous owner and have a wonderful talk with her about Casper, what his likes, dislikes, good habits and bad habits are. She told me we could call anytime we wanted. She lives close and has 2 teenagers who cried for days after having to give him up...I understood. I told her I would send pictures of him growing up, if she wanted. I feel like we have make a great start for him.
Stay tuned, more will be revealed!!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Our Beloved Katie
This has been put off long enough....
Katie, our lovely boxer had to be put to sleep. Her knee was blown out the way athlete's do. I think theirs is called ACL, but with a dog it is called CCL. After going to the Vet and having her physical and shot, her leg was in extreme pain. She spent the night pacing and panting. I gave her pain pills and benedryl, and it would not come close to touching the pain. I stayed up with her, trying to calm her, thinking, no praying, it was just the anxiety of the day at the Vets. Katie was never out of the house unless it was to get a shot, so going somewhere in the car was very stressful on her.
The next day wasn't much different. She was walking on it like nothing was wrong, but when you went to touch it, she would turn around and give you "the look". We knew what was coming, and tried to give each other the talk about how we would be doing it for the right reasons, for Katie not to be in pain any longer. Which is true, but here is the story:
We got Katie when she was around 6 weeks old, and she was the unwanted white boxer puppy of the litter. I didn't want a puppy, but Charles and my son Jeffrey talked me into it because she was going to die. Breeders do not want a white boxer, and they don't want anyone to know they had a white boxer when people come to inspect their litter mates. So, Katie was kept in the garage by herself, while her litter mates were in the house, nice and warm with mom and dad. Did I tell you she was born in January when it was freezing cold?? So after counting each one of the ribs on her, and watching her shake her way over to me, just wanting to be held, how could I say no? But, the deal was we would keep her until we could find a good home for her. And we did. US! She was so weak that I carried her wrapped up in a blanket like a baby, rocked her in a chair while I was on the computer until she was asleep, and carried her over the grass to do her duty because her paws were raw from the cold concrete. She had sores on her hips bones where her bones actually poked through.
Then I got sick, and was in bed for the next few weeks to come. Katie would learn to love the water bed. I took her out every morning then grabbed her toys and back to my bed we went for the day. This is where she grew up. She became the calmest, quietest, most loving boxer anyone could ever ask for. She never barked. She always knew when I was sick, or in pain. Every night when I would sneak out of bed to get into a hot bathtub, Katie would get up and sit outside the door waiting on me, never leaving until I was back in bed, safe and sound. If I was in there too long, she would come lean her head over the tub and let me know she was really tired and wanted to go back to bed herself, but she wouldn't. She had a bed in her crate, a bed in the living room, and a bed next to my side of the bed..but if I was sick on the couch, her bed was right next to me on the floor by the couch, until she felt I was better. Even up to the end, she stayed by my side, pain and all.
Katie was the easiest dog to train. She knew all the tricks, sit, shake, roll over..you know the main ones. But she also learned to sneeze. One day I was eating grapes, and yes, I know you aren't supposed to feed dogs grapes, and this was before I knew that. Charles said she was a begging dog, but I said we shared food...she while we were sharing some grapes, I started to give her a bite, but I started to sneeze, a few times in a row. Katie stared at me, and slowly started to nod her head, trying to figure out what I was asking of her. Once I noticed, I gave her a bite...pretended to sneeze, she would do it alittle harder , and then harder..until she sneezed!! From that point on, you would tell her to sneeze, and she would.
She also figured out "cheese time". Some how, 6 p.m. because snack time around here. Poor Katie didn't have a snack, so I gave her a piece of cheese. It didn't take long for her to demand that she get something at 6 p.m. She would stand in front of the TV and stare at you. Now, I mean she would literally stare you down until you moved your head, and then she would move hers to match yours. (anything to block your view) She would continue this until someone would start laughing which then she would get excited and run into the kitchen, and stare at the refrig, or just make a lap and come right back and stare at you some more. Sometimes I would forget and she would get right in my face with those big eyes, and stare me down, and when I would ask her what she wanted, Charles would laugh and ask me what time it was, and off to the kitchen she would run.
Katie had a great life. She was very, very spoiled, and was almost 10 yrs. old which is old for a boxer, especially one with the starting in life that she had. She also had congestive heart failure and crappy hips as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't have about 30 toys at one time. She knew every time we came home with a plastic bag, she could stick that pug nose in it and find something that was for her. She has 3 beds, so if one wasn't cool enough or warm enough for her, one of the others would be. We always has a fan running for her since the congestive heart made her panic some, so it would always be the place she would go to when she felt she couldn't breathe. Treats, I can't even count the treats that she would get, and she knew which cupboard had which treat in it, so depending on which mood she was in dictated which cupboard she ran to and stared at until you showed up. Pillows and blankets...she had them too. So many beside my bed that getting up in the middle of the night was a trick trying to toe tap on everything to figure out which was a blanket, pillow or Katie, so I could stand up and get to the bathroom....and as always, her right behind me.
It is so quiet here at home, and I do just about anything not to be here. I miss her terribly. I am still finding her little white hair in places, which brings on the tears, and the memories. Charles and I were with her until the end. She was quiet and out of pain, and it was much harder on us than it was on her. I swear I hear her at night, her little tags clanking together, or her heavy sigh at night by my side of the bed when she is trying to get comfortable. I never thought I could love a dog like I love her...but she wasn't a dog, she was our best friend
Katie, our lovely boxer had to be put to sleep. Her knee was blown out the way athlete's do. I think theirs is called ACL, but with a dog it is called CCL. After going to the Vet and having her physical and shot, her leg was in extreme pain. She spent the night pacing and panting. I gave her pain pills and benedryl, and it would not come close to touching the pain. I stayed up with her, trying to calm her, thinking, no praying, it was just the anxiety of the day at the Vets. Katie was never out of the house unless it was to get a shot, so going somewhere in the car was very stressful on her.
The next day wasn't much different. She was walking on it like nothing was wrong, but when you went to touch it, she would turn around and give you "the look". We knew what was coming, and tried to give each other the talk about how we would be doing it for the right reasons, for Katie not to be in pain any longer. Which is true, but here is the story:
We got Katie when she was around 6 weeks old, and she was the unwanted white boxer puppy of the litter. I didn't want a puppy, but Charles and my son Jeffrey talked me into it because she was going to die. Breeders do not want a white boxer, and they don't want anyone to know they had a white boxer when people come to inspect their litter mates. So, Katie was kept in the garage by herself, while her litter mates were in the house, nice and warm with mom and dad. Did I tell you she was born in January when it was freezing cold?? So after counting each one of the ribs on her, and watching her shake her way over to me, just wanting to be held, how could I say no? But, the deal was we would keep her until we could find a good home for her. And we did. US! She was so weak that I carried her wrapped up in a blanket like a baby, rocked her in a chair while I was on the computer until she was asleep, and carried her over the grass to do her duty because her paws were raw from the cold concrete. She had sores on her hips bones where her bones actually poked through.
Then I got sick, and was in bed for the next few weeks to come. Katie would learn to love the water bed. I took her out every morning then grabbed her toys and back to my bed we went for the day. This is where she grew up. She became the calmest, quietest, most loving boxer anyone could ever ask for. She never barked. She always knew when I was sick, or in pain. Every night when I would sneak out of bed to get into a hot bathtub, Katie would get up and sit outside the door waiting on me, never leaving until I was back in bed, safe and sound. If I was in there too long, she would come lean her head over the tub and let me know she was really tired and wanted to go back to bed herself, but she wouldn't. She had a bed in her crate, a bed in the living room, and a bed next to my side of the bed..but if I was sick on the couch, her bed was right next to me on the floor by the couch, until she felt I was better. Even up to the end, she stayed by my side, pain and all.
Katie was the easiest dog to train. She knew all the tricks, sit, shake, roll over..you know the main ones. But she also learned to sneeze. One day I was eating grapes, and yes, I know you aren't supposed to feed dogs grapes, and this was before I knew that. Charles said she was a begging dog, but I said we shared food...she while we were sharing some grapes, I started to give her a bite, but I started to sneeze, a few times in a row. Katie stared at me, and slowly started to nod her head, trying to figure out what I was asking of her. Once I noticed, I gave her a bite...pretended to sneeze, she would do it alittle harder , and then harder..until she sneezed!! From that point on, you would tell her to sneeze, and she would.
She also figured out "cheese time". Some how, 6 p.m. because snack time around here. Poor Katie didn't have a snack, so I gave her a piece of cheese. It didn't take long for her to demand that she get something at 6 p.m. She would stand in front of the TV and stare at you. Now, I mean she would literally stare you down until you moved your head, and then she would move hers to match yours. (anything to block your view) She would continue this until someone would start laughing which then she would get excited and run into the kitchen, and stare at the refrig, or just make a lap and come right back and stare at you some more. Sometimes I would forget and she would get right in my face with those big eyes, and stare me down, and when I would ask her what she wanted, Charles would laugh and ask me what time it was, and off to the kitchen she would run.
Katie had a great life. She was very, very spoiled, and was almost 10 yrs. old which is old for a boxer, especially one with the starting in life that she had. She also had congestive heart failure and crappy hips as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't have about 30 toys at one time. She knew every time we came home with a plastic bag, she could stick that pug nose in it and find something that was for her. She has 3 beds, so if one wasn't cool enough or warm enough for her, one of the others would be. We always has a fan running for her since the congestive heart made her panic some, so it would always be the place she would go to when she felt she couldn't breathe. Treats, I can't even count the treats that she would get, and she knew which cupboard had which treat in it, so depending on which mood she was in dictated which cupboard she ran to and stared at until you showed up. Pillows and blankets...she had them too. So many beside my bed that getting up in the middle of the night was a trick trying to toe tap on everything to figure out which was a blanket, pillow or Katie, so I could stand up and get to the bathroom....and as always, her right behind me.
It is so quiet here at home, and I do just about anything not to be here. I miss her terribly. I am still finding her little white hair in places, which brings on the tears, and the memories. Charles and I were with her until the end. She was quiet and out of pain, and it was much harder on us than it was on her. I swear I hear her at night, her little tags clanking together, or her heavy sigh at night by my side of the bed when she is trying to get comfortable. I never thought I could love a dog like I love her...but she wasn't a dog, she was our best friend
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