Yesterday, I get a phone call from the Nurse Practitioner that I seen over a week ago. She called to tell me that she was sorry for her nurses not giving me the results of my blood work in a timely manner. She also wanted to know if I understood all of my blood work results, and if I was comfortable with the Surgeon that she had choosen for me. Can you believe this? An apology?? She also offered pain medication since I still had a few days before I seen the surgeon, and she knew it would be a few more days before I could have the actual surgery. She is awesome!!
Tomorrow, I will see this surgeon and we will decide what we will do about all this pain, and if she thinks, as the Nurse Practitioner does, that I have adhesions, and that they need to be removed. Usually, the Doctors will wait for my cardiologist approval to get off the plavix, and then I stop it for 7-10 days before any procedure. Well, I stopped it last Saturday, because I have to have this done, because I cannot live with this pain much longer. I am not waiting for the permission from my cardiologist, because I know he will give it, if they deem this surgery is going to make me painfree. So, I am praying that the surgery date is going to be within a week or so.
From what I understand, this surgery is just a few holes in the belly, find all the scar tissue, cut it out, put some tape on the holes, and go home. As long as my heart doesn't give them any fits, I will be good to go. I don't feel there should be any problems, only less pain, and I am so looking forward to it. :)
I will write tomorrow and let everyone know what her decision is going to be, and hopefully when my surgery is going to be.
Until then....
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Want to See God Smile....Make Plans!
Well, this is what Charles keeps telling me. I think this is more to cheer me up than to explain why nothing "seems" to be going right, and I am willing to take all the blame for it.
In the last 30 days, we have made plans to go camping, twice, and has it happened, even once? Nope. And both times, it has been because of my health. First time, old problems creaping back into our lives. Second time, a new problem surprising us, and at a most inconvenient time.
The first time, we were going to go camping, just about an hour from home. We went shopping, got food, packed our clothes, everything was ready. We drove out to the campsite and I thought this one paticular site was going to be fantastic. It was on a dead end spot. There were 2 right next to eachother. Huge beautiful trees covering the area, so it would be nice and cool, day and night, and the river was running right next to them. Sounds great doesn't it? I thought so. Then the rain came, but that was ok, because it was going to stop before the weekend, but what I hadn't counted on was all that humidity.
Now, as you might remember, a few weeks ago, I started on a new medication to keep my heart rate down and it was to keep me from fainting, and basically feeling horrible. Well, this new little pill is doing it's job as far as keeping my heart rate slow. I have never had a heart rate so low before, but sad to say, all those feelings are still there as if my heart rate is still 180. I can't breath, I am light headed, almost fainting, shaking, and the most horrible fatigue, I am lucky to walk to the car without someone holding onto my hand. Now put all this with the humidity, and camping doesn't seem like much fun after all. Maybe with an oxygen tank, or two. Ha ha.
Since there were going to be quit a few people camping there that weekend, we decided that we wouldn't stay there at night, but ride down there every day, visit, and then come home. If I could handle that okay the first day, we would go the next day...the next..well, you get the picture.
The first night, I had an awesome time. We rode there with another couple, and I got to see a lot of people that I had not seen in years. Lot of hugging, kissing and I miss you's. It was great! There was the biggest campfire that I had ever seen. We stayed for a little over an hour, and decided to ride into town to eat. 3 other couples rode back with us, and one couple split off so it was the 6 of us that went to eat and talk, and talk and talk. It was wonderful. We hadn't just sat and talked to other people for...well, what seems like forever. But, I have to admit, I was so exhausted already.
I love riding in the dark. It feels so cool, the roads aren't so crowded, and it seems like Charles and I are the only ones out there for miles. I can lay my head on his back, close my eyes, and just relax and not have to think or worry about anything. All these medical problems, for awhile, just do not exsist.....did I say for awhile?
We went back to the campground another evening, and again we had a wonderful time. But by that night, I couldn't go on. Once I got into bed, I was there for 2 days. Not sleeping, just couldn't get the energy to get up and move around. I hurt all over, my hips were screaming at me, reminding me that they are fused together and why in the world would I put them through all this?? (unmedicated even!!)
And the best part, in one week, we were going camping for 7 days!!! *whew* This was a vacation for us to RELAX!!!! Remember that...RELAX!! But, after a couple days of rest, I was slowly back up and walking again...on to the next adventure.
Monday night, I sneezed. Shouldn't be a big deal, nothing to blog about, tell your friends about, or get on the phone begging for a doctor to see you ASAP about, right?? Wrong! I even got on facebook asking all my female friends who the best OB/GYN is in our area, not just the one you would go to, but the one that you would refer your best friend forever to!! (because we take far better care of our BFF's that we do ourselves) Got a Doc's name, and was on the phone in a heartbeat....my faster heartbeat, not a normal heartbeat, this was serious. ha ha What happened was, when I sneezed, I felt like I was stabbed in my right side, over and over again, turning that knife and twisting it, just to make sure it was in there!! OMG!!! I couldn't move, I couldn't breath..all I could do was hold my breath and pray it would go away soon. It did, but just not soon enough.
About 3 years ago, I had something like this happen, only farther up my right side. Charles took me to the ER, because we thought it was my gallbladder. It wasn't, they said. They couldn't see anything on the CT Scan, and because I had had so many abdominal surgeries, it was probably something called "adhesions". They don't like to remove them because even the removal will cause more of them...and sent me home. (after loading me up on Morphine)
I got into the Nurse Practitioner on Friday afternoon. She had a few ideas. 1. Kidney stone. 2. Appendix 3. Adensions. Plan would be check urine for blood, for kidney stones, check blood for white cells, if elevated for appendix. If both were negative, she would "hook me up with a good surgeon" to get rid of the adhesions because she feared they were attached to my bladder and intestines, and when I sneezed, (that is what I am feeling), and she was afraid it could rip my bladder or intestine.
SO, I was to call back for the "stat" order results, and the next plan at 4 p.m.
I called at 4 p.m., all was negative, I asked who the surgeon was going to be, and who was going to make the appointment, them or me? The very slow reply was.... "what are you talking about" Seems, as my luck would have it, she left for the day...oh wait, it gets better..and took some vacation days, until Monday the 14th...and didn't leave any instructions for me!!! Now, how does this lead up to the camping trip???
Our next camping trip was to start tomorrow, and end on the 14th. (are ya smiling God??)
This was supposed to be our vacation for this year because, well, because we really can't afford to go to florida this year, or Maine..get the idea? We were going to relax in lawn chairs, have a beautiful campfire, there is a really lovely beach there, take some walks. It's a beautiful place. Take some rides on the bike. Just have some fun doing whatever we wanted to do. BUT...we decided that it would be best that we stick closer to home, closer to the hospital that at least knows what 42 pills I take each day, than to risk falling and ripping something, or having that one big sneeze not knowing where we are. I have to remind myself, I am on blood thinners, and if I do rip something inside, it will bleed rather quickly.
Do you ever start to think that with the snap of your fingers, you can ruin the entire summer? I try hard to tell myself, that I really have no control over this. I don't plan it. I am sorry it happens. WHY it always happens in the summer and fall is beyond me. Why it can't happen when it's freezing outside and nobody wants to get their tired old butt up and outside anyway.
I really am grateful for everything, and everyone that I have in my life, but, it's just so frustrating to be in pain all the time, "feel" you are dependent on people, when you worked so hard to get your independence, you had so many things you wanted to do before you died, and you know in your heart that these things will never happen, now you have forgotten what they were. And then, you start to wonder why you are even here.
Then, last night, our dear friend Brenda calls us up, needing some help moving something. When we got to her house, she called me inside, so excited to show me her NEW house that SHE had just purchased. She was so proud, and I was so proud for her. She has worked SO hard to get her life back in order, and she also now has custody of her daughter. What an accomplishment! Just seeing that pride in her face was pricless. You know that feeling where your heart just swells up in your chest just watching it all?..and it sure knocked me off my pitty pot!! Thank you Brenda!!
See, I've been throwing myself one huge pitty pot. Believe me, I can have a nice one too, with every fixin available, and not invite one single fucking person. Somehow I have to see that I didn't ask to be sick. I take my medications to keep myself going. I do the things the Doctors tell me to do. I have out lived my life expectancy by years, so it is working. I probably do more damage by pushing myself sometimes because I don't want to hurt peoples feelings, or ruin others good times by being the big wuss of the group.
Acceptance. Ouch! I think I'll save that for another day...but I won't wait too long. These pitty parties are getting too expensive.
In the last 30 days, we have made plans to go camping, twice, and has it happened, even once? Nope. And both times, it has been because of my health. First time, old problems creaping back into our lives. Second time, a new problem surprising us, and at a most inconvenient time.
The first time, we were going to go camping, just about an hour from home. We went shopping, got food, packed our clothes, everything was ready. We drove out to the campsite and I thought this one paticular site was going to be fantastic. It was on a dead end spot. There were 2 right next to eachother. Huge beautiful trees covering the area, so it would be nice and cool, day and night, and the river was running right next to them. Sounds great doesn't it? I thought so. Then the rain came, but that was ok, because it was going to stop before the weekend, but what I hadn't counted on was all that humidity.
Now, as you might remember, a few weeks ago, I started on a new medication to keep my heart rate down and it was to keep me from fainting, and basically feeling horrible. Well, this new little pill is doing it's job as far as keeping my heart rate slow. I have never had a heart rate so low before, but sad to say, all those feelings are still there as if my heart rate is still 180. I can't breath, I am light headed, almost fainting, shaking, and the most horrible fatigue, I am lucky to walk to the car without someone holding onto my hand. Now put all this with the humidity, and camping doesn't seem like much fun after all. Maybe with an oxygen tank, or two. Ha ha.
Since there were going to be quit a few people camping there that weekend, we decided that we wouldn't stay there at night, but ride down there every day, visit, and then come home. If I could handle that okay the first day, we would go the next day...the next..well, you get the picture.
The first night, I had an awesome time. We rode there with another couple, and I got to see a lot of people that I had not seen in years. Lot of hugging, kissing and I miss you's. It was great! There was the biggest campfire that I had ever seen. We stayed for a little over an hour, and decided to ride into town to eat. 3 other couples rode back with us, and one couple split off so it was the 6 of us that went to eat and talk, and talk and talk. It was wonderful. We hadn't just sat and talked to other people for...well, what seems like forever. But, I have to admit, I was so exhausted already.
I love riding in the dark. It feels so cool, the roads aren't so crowded, and it seems like Charles and I are the only ones out there for miles. I can lay my head on his back, close my eyes, and just relax and not have to think or worry about anything. All these medical problems, for awhile, just do not exsist.....did I say for awhile?
We went back to the campground another evening, and again we had a wonderful time. But by that night, I couldn't go on. Once I got into bed, I was there for 2 days. Not sleeping, just couldn't get the energy to get up and move around. I hurt all over, my hips were screaming at me, reminding me that they are fused together and why in the world would I put them through all this?? (unmedicated even!!)
And the best part, in one week, we were going camping for 7 days!!! *whew* This was a vacation for us to RELAX!!!! Remember that...RELAX!! But, after a couple days of rest, I was slowly back up and walking again...on to the next adventure.
Monday night, I sneezed. Shouldn't be a big deal, nothing to blog about, tell your friends about, or get on the phone begging for a doctor to see you ASAP about, right?? Wrong! I even got on facebook asking all my female friends who the best OB/GYN is in our area, not just the one you would go to, but the one that you would refer your best friend forever to!! (because we take far better care of our BFF's that we do ourselves) Got a Doc's name, and was on the phone in a heartbeat....my faster heartbeat, not a normal heartbeat, this was serious. ha ha What happened was, when I sneezed, I felt like I was stabbed in my right side, over and over again, turning that knife and twisting it, just to make sure it was in there!! OMG!!! I couldn't move, I couldn't breath..all I could do was hold my breath and pray it would go away soon. It did, but just not soon enough.
About 3 years ago, I had something like this happen, only farther up my right side. Charles took me to the ER, because we thought it was my gallbladder. It wasn't, they said. They couldn't see anything on the CT Scan, and because I had had so many abdominal surgeries, it was probably something called "adhesions". They don't like to remove them because even the removal will cause more of them...and sent me home. (after loading me up on Morphine)
I got into the Nurse Practitioner on Friday afternoon. She had a few ideas. 1. Kidney stone. 2. Appendix 3. Adensions. Plan would be check urine for blood, for kidney stones, check blood for white cells, if elevated for appendix. If both were negative, she would "hook me up with a good surgeon" to get rid of the adhesions because she feared they were attached to my bladder and intestines, and when I sneezed, (that is what I am feeling), and she was afraid it could rip my bladder or intestine.
SO, I was to call back for the "stat" order results, and the next plan at 4 p.m.
I called at 4 p.m., all was negative, I asked who the surgeon was going to be, and who was going to make the appointment, them or me? The very slow reply was.... "what are you talking about" Seems, as my luck would have it, she left for the day...oh wait, it gets better..and took some vacation days, until Monday the 14th...and didn't leave any instructions for me!!! Now, how does this lead up to the camping trip???
Our next camping trip was to start tomorrow, and end on the 14th. (are ya smiling God??)
This was supposed to be our vacation for this year because, well, because we really can't afford to go to florida this year, or Maine..get the idea? We were going to relax in lawn chairs, have a beautiful campfire, there is a really lovely beach there, take some walks. It's a beautiful place. Take some rides on the bike. Just have some fun doing whatever we wanted to do. BUT...we decided that it would be best that we stick closer to home, closer to the hospital that at least knows what 42 pills I take each day, than to risk falling and ripping something, or having that one big sneeze not knowing where we are. I have to remind myself, I am on blood thinners, and if I do rip something inside, it will bleed rather quickly.
Do you ever start to think that with the snap of your fingers, you can ruin the entire summer? I try hard to tell myself, that I really have no control over this. I don't plan it. I am sorry it happens. WHY it always happens in the summer and fall is beyond me. Why it can't happen when it's freezing outside and nobody wants to get their tired old butt up and outside anyway.
I really am grateful for everything, and everyone that I have in my life, but, it's just so frustrating to be in pain all the time, "feel" you are dependent on people, when you worked so hard to get your independence, you had so many things you wanted to do before you died, and you know in your heart that these things will never happen, now you have forgotten what they were. And then, you start to wonder why you are even here.
Then, last night, our dear friend Brenda calls us up, needing some help moving something. When we got to her house, she called me inside, so excited to show me her NEW house that SHE had just purchased. She was so proud, and I was so proud for her. She has worked SO hard to get her life back in order, and she also now has custody of her daughter. What an accomplishment! Just seeing that pride in her face was pricless. You know that feeling where your heart just swells up in your chest just watching it all?..and it sure knocked me off my pitty pot!! Thank you Brenda!!
See, I've been throwing myself one huge pitty pot. Believe me, I can have a nice one too, with every fixin available, and not invite one single fucking person. Somehow I have to see that I didn't ask to be sick. I take my medications to keep myself going. I do the things the Doctors tell me to do. I have out lived my life expectancy by years, so it is working. I probably do more damage by pushing myself sometimes because I don't want to hurt peoples feelings, or ruin others good times by being the big wuss of the group.
Acceptance. Ouch! I think I'll save that for another day...but I won't wait too long. These pitty parties are getting too expensive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)