I have decided that my frustration is with myself, for putting up with the Doctors insensitivity and complete lack of compassion, and my lack of willpower (ie: balls) to stand up to them, and for myself.
I went to my Doctor to discuss my leaving the trial for Gastroparesis, and getting off the medication, Domperidone. Right off the bat, he wasn't pleased. The nurse, on the other hand, tried to interrupt his train of thought, and inform him that the other Doctors had instructed me to come to him to inform him that I had been vomiting for over a month, and had been having severe abdominal pain for the same amount of time. Well, much to my surprise, he sat back into his chair, and informed me that he was ONLY seeing me because I was in his Gastroparesis study! The nurse must have seen the "deer in the headlights look" because she stumbled all over herself to get into the conversation, letting him know, again, that I was being referred to him, by other Doctors, (as that would make if official) to see what was wrong with me. I added, that the previous Doctors thought that because my SI joints had fused, that some times some diseases such as Crohn's, etc, went along with it.
With a HUGE sigh, he sat up and looked at the computer...my chart...and said my blood work was fine, and since I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy 4 YEARS ago, he couldn't see anything wrong. Does nothing change in 4 years??? Has he read my chart?? Was an exam too much to ask ? He then preceeded to tell me what to eat for the Gastroparesis, and asked me what medication I had tried before, (reglan) and then told me to take it again. HELLO...are you not listening to me?? Obviously not! (giving up)
I have been to four Doctors. Each one telling me that they don't know what is wrong with my stomach, but they are sending me to someone that will....one gave me an appointment with an Orthopedic, a bone specialist!
The clinic that I go to, has now combined with their hospital, and some of the Doctors have made the decision to leave. Three of my Doctors have left, going to other places where they are allowed to continue to accept all their perks, as this clinic has now become a non-for profit group.
I have to think this has become a money issue...and I don't have any! This clinic has been known for not accepting poor people, but I was lucky and got in~ ~ or was I? It has taken me 6 weeks to be passed between four Doctors, and I haven't a clue what is going on with the pain in my stomach, and I have even less of a clue what to do about it, or where to go.
I am going to the Orthopedic appointment, because I was referred there. I am looking forward to the look on his face when I ask him what his opinion is with the pain in my stomach, as that is the reason for my referral!! Priceless! Though, I am going to take advantage of his specialty, and see what he might be able to do for my SI joints, and hip joints. (new x rays show moderate amounts of arthritis and bone spurs in both hip joints) I attend a pain clinic that does injections for those, but would love to get a second opinion if I could sneak one in...
I don't want to make this political, I want everyone to have medical insurance, but if this is what is to come for "us poor people", I am really worried about the care we are going to get ... or not get. I can't imagine how many people like me...poor...are going to be passed on to Doctor after Doctor, not getting the treatment they deserve, while the Doctors are trying to see as many patients, as quickly as they can, to make up for the insurance reimbursements they have lost out on. Who is going to suffer? We are...I feel like I already am, and I am frustrated as hell.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So Frustrated...but at who?
I went to my doctors appointments, and was passed on down the line from one referral, to the next.
I had started at the Nurse Practitioner, who did some tests to rule out that my appendix was acting up, or that I had kidney stones. Both were negative. She then agreed with the CT Scan that I had had 3 years ago, it was probably adhesions, and referred me to a surgeon, but we couldn't get in for 2 weeks. This means a month with new pain, unknown pain.
OK, we can do this...end in sight.
We get to the new surgeon, and the appointment was quick. I took Charles in with me...my witness on not only how I get treated, but maybe some intimidation for them to do their job. (yeah, right..next time, bring a big stick with us)
She runs through what the previous visit was like, and lets us know right away that she disagrees with her opinion, and feels that it is a pulled muscle. After 5 weeks?? She wants to do an ultrasound, which I have never seen done for a pulled muscle. Charles jumps in and explains to her some of my history of negative stress tests, but then a quadruple bypass, medication to calm you down, and I am wired for days..etc. So, she them says that maybe a CT Scan would be better, but then she wants me to get an evaluation at Physical Therapy. I refuse telling her I have already completed it, but she asked if I would just get the evaluation part..and then I can make up my mind from there. None of this is making sense to me, but I agree, mainly out of totally frustration of being passed on again. She does tell me that the only way of finding adhesions is to open me up and looking, and with "my medical history", they don't want to do that unless they absolutely have to. (ahhhhh, she already read my chart)
So we left, the nurse made all the appointments for us. I had the CT Scan, which of course came back normal, and I cancelled my evaluation with the Physical therapist. By this time, the pain has reached from my back, around to my right hip bone, across my stomach to my left hip bone and down my right thigh.
Nobody is listening.
I have my appointment with the pain clinic. I tell her how frustrated I am for being passed around. She tells me this is now the norm. Doctors are all specialist, and once you reach the end of what they do, they pass you to the next one. But no one is talking to eachother!!! She said they are, through your chart!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? She didn't know anything about the pain getting worse, and moving to my lower stomach area..so either she wasn't reading it, or someone didn't document it well. She did tell me I could get a second opinion, which I will since my Rheumatologist was fired!! See, there is something positive about all of this!!!
She decided to do pelvic x rays to see if "it" has spread to my hip joints, or something has happened to my SI joints to make this worse. She did use the word, "Sacroiliitis", and that I needed more injections into my SI joints.
I had my pelvic and SI joint area x rays completed. There were 2 white lines across each side of my hips. Long story about the tech trying to take care of me. Hope nothing is broken. Find out tomorrow, I hope. Then I have to decided if I want more injections....need to make a lot of decisions actually.
More waiting....More being passed on....I still don't know anything. Am I frustrated at them for not doing their job, or am I frustrated at myself for not making them do their job?
I do not want to become one of those screaming idiots you see in the waiting rooms..you know the ones, the ones that get things done, but no one likes them, and they talk about them at their dinner tables at night. Why..Why do I have to become one of those people in order to get things done...the first time?
So frustrated!
I had started at the Nurse Practitioner, who did some tests to rule out that my appendix was acting up, or that I had kidney stones. Both were negative. She then agreed with the CT Scan that I had had 3 years ago, it was probably adhesions, and referred me to a surgeon, but we couldn't get in for 2 weeks. This means a month with new pain, unknown pain.
OK, we can do this...end in sight.
We get to the new surgeon, and the appointment was quick. I took Charles in with me...my witness on not only how I get treated, but maybe some intimidation for them to do their job. (yeah, right..next time, bring a big stick with us)
She runs through what the previous visit was like, and lets us know right away that she disagrees with her opinion, and feels that it is a pulled muscle. After 5 weeks?? She wants to do an ultrasound, which I have never seen done for a pulled muscle. Charles jumps in and explains to her some of my history of negative stress tests, but then a quadruple bypass, medication to calm you down, and I am wired for days..etc. So, she them says that maybe a CT Scan would be better, but then she wants me to get an evaluation at Physical Therapy. I refuse telling her I have already completed it, but she asked if I would just get the evaluation part..and then I can make up my mind from there. None of this is making sense to me, but I agree, mainly out of totally frustration of being passed on again. She does tell me that the only way of finding adhesions is to open me up and looking, and with "my medical history", they don't want to do that unless they absolutely have to. (ahhhhh, she already read my chart)
So we left, the nurse made all the appointments for us. I had the CT Scan, which of course came back normal, and I cancelled my evaluation with the Physical therapist. By this time, the pain has reached from my back, around to my right hip bone, across my stomach to my left hip bone and down my right thigh.
Nobody is listening.
I have my appointment with the pain clinic. I tell her how frustrated I am for being passed around. She tells me this is now the norm. Doctors are all specialist, and once you reach the end of what they do, they pass you to the next one. But no one is talking to eachother!!! She said they are, through your chart!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? She didn't know anything about the pain getting worse, and moving to my lower stomach area..so either she wasn't reading it, or someone didn't document it well. She did tell me I could get a second opinion, which I will since my Rheumatologist was fired!! See, there is something positive about all of this!!!
She decided to do pelvic x rays to see if "it" has spread to my hip joints, or something has happened to my SI joints to make this worse. She did use the word, "Sacroiliitis", and that I needed more injections into my SI joints.
I had my pelvic and SI joint area x rays completed. There were 2 white lines across each side of my hips. Long story about the tech trying to take care of me. Hope nothing is broken. Find out tomorrow, I hope. Then I have to decided if I want more injections....need to make a lot of decisions actually.
More waiting....More being passed on....I still don't know anything. Am I frustrated at them for not doing their job, or am I frustrated at myself for not making them do their job?
I do not want to become one of those screaming idiots you see in the waiting rooms..you know the ones, the ones that get things done, but no one likes them, and they talk about them at their dinner tables at night. Why..Why do I have to become one of those people in order to get things done...the first time?
So frustrated!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Change of Name
Just wanted to ad a note about the different name. The "LaughandCry" came from Charles thinking about what people usually say when life gets to them.."well, we could laugh OR cry..." Well, we usually said not for us, we were laughing AND crying because our situation would change so often, it brought tears or fear, anger, joy, sadness...you name it, and it also brought laughter. Sometimes just out of pure surrender. You reach the point of just giving it over to your "God" of your understanding..and in order to keep some sort of sanity, you have to let it go. Well, along with that came laughter. So, long story short...LaughANDcry.
It's been a long, not so good week for me, and I was playing around with this blog..well, honestly staring at it blankly..and I thought maybe I should ad, "living a life with Chronic Pain", because that is also what it is about, basically. Our life, what it is like to have to deal with it, live with it, life that has changed because of it...sometimes on a dime.
It might make it more depressing at times, but, we do have a sense of humor about it, and for some reason, I can't seem to show it. There is also a horrible dark side, another side that I haven't been able to show. But maybe now that I have "named" it, for what it is...it will become, what it is.
It's been a long, not so good week for me, and I was playing around with this blog..well, honestly staring at it blankly..and I thought maybe I should ad, "living a life with Chronic Pain", because that is also what it is about, basically. Our life, what it is like to have to deal with it, live with it, life that has changed because of it...sometimes on a dime.
It might make it more depressing at times, but, we do have a sense of humor about it, and for some reason, I can't seem to show it. There is also a horrible dark side, another side that I haven't been able to show. But maybe now that I have "named" it, for what it is...it will become, what it is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)